Archive for Trust

Insider’s view – A romance killed.

{ December 20, 2008 @ 1:22 pm } · { Marriage, Trust, romance }
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She calls herself  ”Rustyneurons”, anybody who can come up with such a name has to be incredibly talented right?, that was my instant feeling when I read the name who commented on Piya’s blog. Her blogs did prove my intution right, she has an amazing nack of saying things in a way, which only she can. When I first went across to her blog “Chimerical Flyovers”, first thing that stuck me  was the URL, for the first time I see a kannada URL, how cool is that I thought, and then I discoverd her other blog “Two a Day“, and found the real writer in her. She might have stopped active blogging [If there is something like that], but then guys just check her archives out there, just too good.

So being a fellow kannadathi, I have had a real good time discussing out my posts with her, and you know the best part, she is the one who would look at my post  like “un-naked”, and tell me honestly that there was no relation between the first and the last stanza, or for that matter, shower thing was totally not required. Honest opinions are really great right?

So here she goes, on my request providing us her thoughts on the subject I posted few days back, an insider’s view on marriage and romance.

Thanks Rusty for doing this for me.

Without much delay here she goes.

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“I fell in love with my dear husband and we got married after three years of courtship/hardship. To say that we still feel the same way we did before marriage would not be so easy or honest, at least in my opinion. 

Life changes. In imperceptible ways and dramatic sweeps. 

Then, going out to restaurants and experimenting with food was a routine, now I am thrilled that he makes time to cook some wonderful food at home. Then, we loved long drives, now we enjoy coffee in the balcony. I have realized that our interests have metamorphosized themselves so as to accommodate the other and thankfully, it has been a natural process. We still have the same level of enthusiasm to please each other, appreciate the other’s point of view and enjoy the times together. But now, it is more to do with the comfort one gets from the other’s presence than it is about making the other feel good. That, in no way means the romance is over. It depends upon how one looks at the definition of romance – from the simple chocolate boxes, flowers, browsing through bookshops to expensive gifts, or travelling to exotic destination… it could be anything. To most reasonable folks (that very much includes me) it would mean showing the same level of affection, appreciation and patience one shows towards the other after marriage as well. 

However, life is not a fairytale – we cannot and do not have to project our best selves all the time. No matter how long you have known a person, living with that person day in and day out is a completely different experience altogether. The cooking fights spring up from nowhere and the bathroom rights get altered for life. Those tiny little idiosyncrasies that once you found endearing might not be so much fun after all, now that you have to put up with them all the time! The responsibilities bloom from all corners taking myriad forms – socially the family gets expanded, one is expected to adjust and embrace new relationships with strangers who mean a lot to his/her partner. Financially one has to think much beyond the monthly spending that usually soared sky high, where one didn’t have to give explanations to the other, where one wonders if one landed up with a penny pincher or a spendthrift. 

Despite so many uncertainties, there are few constants that make it worthwhile – I know I can lift his spirits up with a good cup of filter coffee at the end of a tiring day, and he knows for sure his dancing skills can clear up my blues.  I believe it’s the small little gestures that remind us how much we mean to each other. An occasional surprise like getting the DVDs I was looking for, or welcoming me at the door when I reach home with some heavenly food has always made difference to our otherwise routine of go to work-come home-cook-eat-sleep-go to work the next day.

Over these eighteen months what I have come to cherish the most is the unwavering support I received, be it a bad day in work place, frustrations adjusting to a new place, or missing my comfort zone back home. I believe (and have enough proof to do so) that romance does not necessarily go stale after marriage; it just comes in different flavours. “

For someone who has been married just about for one and a half years, it indeed is a difficult task to provide a very balanced view about romance post married life. However, coloured or not, I believe my opinions still matter to the whole wide world so there you are, at the receiving end. 

Trust and Parenthood

{ October 28, 2007 @ 8:13 am } · { Trust, children }
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As children, as teenagers when we are growing up, one thing you constantly hear from the parents is advice for what to do, or rather warning for what not to do. I remember having a conversation with my dad, when he mentioned to me, that he was only worried about my future, as long as I choose proper carrier, and make sure my studies are good enough to make one he is not much bothered about other aspects. I guess I was very fortunate, not to have too many restrictions, or may be he was fortunate enough to have a son for whom he need not worry about.

Speaking of woos of parents, I guess the biggest worry of many parents as children grow up is about their son/daughter not doing well at school, as teenagers the parents worried about son’s smoking habit, and in case of daughter the “cliched” falling in love with a guy and eloping, which I guess has been so overly depicted in every movie, all soaps and even Ads. I have never understood the concept of eloping, not sure from whom the couple are running, or towards whom. Anyways, the worries about getting their daughter married, and son’s getting job I think was the highest on the list of parents.

As many of you have felt it already, or on the way to realize that, most of my thoughts and beliefs are old fashioned, may be I am a misfit in 21st century or may be I believe in building the world around myself the way I like it, and kind of ignore the rest as if it which do not affect me.

Recently with the festival season around, and people getting into more and more parties, the national dailies are full with ill effects of these parties on the teenagers, and the constant worry of parents. I could not believe this fact that parents are hiring private detectives to spy on their daughters, to see if she is sleeping around with people, during these days where they get to spend a lot of time outside house with friends.

This came as a shock to me, people not trusting their own sons/daughters?, people really worried if they are sleeping around?, common guys what would you do if you really found they were?, are you gonna confront them?, prevent them?, trouble the guy what are you planning to do. Look whats happening, children now are not going to trust their parents for privacy.

This is by far the biggest proof of people’s failure in parenthood, if you cannot instill the sense of good vs bad in your children’s mind, then there you go you failed. Now don’t spoil it more by not trusting your children’s instincts, if anything you need to do, is to discuss with them the real implications of teenage sex, and make sure they are making an informed decision. No private eye is not going to help.

Instead there is all the more chances, that teenagers feel the extra zing to try and do something cool, as most of them believe that forbidden stuff are cool stuff.

Moving on to media, what the hell is wrong with Indian media?, why do they always have to give this partial picture where teenagers are losing way, or rather where they seem to be losing ways, instilling fear in parent’s mind who end up taking these harsh steps. Instead why don’t they launch some real sex education programs educating young girls/boys about it?.

Recently read an article when a 13 year old girl gave birth to a healthy baby in the hospital, she was a rape victim who did not even realize what had happened to her, until their parents discovered the baby bump and took her to the doctor. When a 13 year old potent girl is not aware that she was raped, and that’s a sexual act she is being forced into. dont you think media has a better role to play?. Poor girl is now a mother of a child even before she enters second of her teenage years.

Its my sincere appeal to parents who read my blog,  please communicate, there is nothing wrong in talking to teenage kids about sex, at-least it would make sure they are making informed decision. Not by looking at the sleaze available in the net, where sex is over glorified.