I have wanted to write about this topic for quite some time, no topic has taken this long to find its way into one of my blogs as much as this one. As woman’s day happened just about a week back, many of the blogs I frequent had a post about the woman’s day and feminism in general. I did leave a comment in most of them saying my thoughts are on the way and will post soon on the topic.
Some days back when I was reading an article somewhere on the internet, the author [male] had an interesting view, he said that people today do not know the difference between femininity and feminism. Actually he was right, I really did not know the difference, may be I knew the literal meaning but never thought about the implications of the two words.
Let’s start with femininity; femininity is things/thoughts/emotions feminine in nature. Now this is a tricky definition, who categorizes them as feminine?. There are few things biologically feminine in nature, I don’t need to say what I am talking about in this regard, and we all know there are things which only a female can do. Is nature being a sexist here? Personally I feel nature wanted none of the species or living thing to feel ‘all capable’ or rather to be too independent, may be nature intended us to co-exist. Anyways it’s a totally different topic altogether. Coming back to the topic of femininity, apart from the obvious biological differences, there are certain thoughts/emotions/interests which are said to be feminine in nature.
So here comes the question, should one feel ashamed to be associated with such femininity?. Should one claim inequality for being associated with thoughts known to be feminine in nature?. Traditionally emotional sensitivity, patience, shyness etc have been associated with women, the most evident proof for this is the names we have in India almost all the qualities I mentioned above has manifested into a female name in India. Now should one protest for being tagged to femininity?.
Lets talk about the opposite, things which do not come under feminine, should women really worry about those things, why are those things/thoughts/interests are not considered as feminine in nature? Should one really fight for it?.
Feminism, as per definition is philosophy of believing in equal rights for woman, and making no gender bias.
Coming back to difference, In my opinion Ability to give birth to a child is femininity, it’s a unique distinction that women should be proud about, however providing a choice of if they want to, and when and how they want to have children is feminism,
When woman choose family over carrier, if it’s a unforced decision, then it counts as femininity to me, because men are never supposed to think about family first. However having the sole power of decision to choose between family/carrier or both is feminism.
Ideasmithy brought up a good question, are all woman feminists, unfortunately I would have to say no, no I don’t think all females are feminists, nor do I think all feminists are females.
Let me tell you where some woman are not feminists, to me when someone demands extra privileges because of their gender the feminism is gone, buses have reserved seats for women, special reservations in governmental positions etc. I know its really good to provide more opportunities to women, and its been a long monopoly of men in these areas, and we want to encourage women to come forward and take these places. But I find this totally anti-feminist in nature. Why do we think that women need extra boost?, do we think women can’t find their own seats, if men misbehave in the bus she is not powerful enough to defend herself?, in governmental organization is she not capable enough to find her way in?, are we not in a way doubting her credentials?.
Another question which came up was can men be feminists?, I had to really think on this terms, somewhere I did not want to say yes and be counted as a hypocrite. Just the other day when the topic of smoking woman came up, the fact that I was a little surprised tells me that I am still a sexist in ways. If I were to be surprised at smoking I would be happier, but then it was not at smoking I was surprised it was the woman smoker who surprised me. So we men, can we ever stop distinguishing between men and women, I would say yes but still many years down the line. The traces are still present in all of us. We still think there is a difference when it comes to responsibilities and interests between men and women.
Another discussion which interested me recently is what’s wrong in huddling up. So what if women group up?. Now I partially agree with this one, its true there is nothing wrong with huddling up, any day its good to work as a team towards any goal, and its easier in a team than individual. But why would you want to huddle up in a single sex group, why not form a team of people with similar goal, rather than just chose people because they are woman.
History has been a great evidence as to how gender bias has existed for long time, and how women were considered to be the weaker sex and have been the target for long time, Finally some of us men have woken up a little, and many women have come out being more confident and powerful. A man who claims to be more powerful, intelligent or more suitable for a job because of his gender, will surely be laughed at and criticized not just by women but also fellow men, so isn’t this what so called feminists set out to do?.
From here where do we go?. One thing I would hate to see, is people making feminism as nothing but male bashing, When many woman have proved how intelligent they are, by resorting to male bashing I think somewhere we are taking a step back, because ignorant men were thought gender has nothing to do with capabilities, now the same woman seems to claim a man is bad because all men are bad, or a man is incapable because he is a man. I think somewhere the main purpose of equality in feminism is getting lost somewhere. One of the main reasons as to why, I always say rant against a person not against “men”.
One of the debates that interested me in recent times is “has a man become unnecessary in a woman’s life?”. In today’s world where woman has become financially independent, socially powerful, emotionally and physically strong, does woman need a man?. Woman has never needed a man, and man has never needed a woman, I think it’s a wrong notion. We have always needed a partner, somebody who will complete each other. Some have gone and found partners within the same sex who seem to provide what we look out in a partner, and some find that in the opposite sex. Just because we are equal gender wise, does not make us equal as a person does it?, I mean all of us will continue to have things which we lack, and try to find that support and encouragement in a person who in-turn will continue to find the same in us.
This is not a topic, where one can find comprehensive answers within a single post, these are the topics which one needs to debate and discuss over a long time, and learn along the journey.
P.S I wanted to link couple of posts from Twisted tales on life where we discussed on couple of things here, stupid me not seem to find the posts.. 
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Next one coming up.. is sexual orientation only reason to term a relationship lesbain/gay .. Guys any of you interested in the topic.. please do put up your opinions..
] which comes in along with the marriage, do they affect the romance?. I think they would, I am sure they would. Its not just romance they affect they basically almost every single thing of our life. But the thing is that, they may not kill the romance. Or may be it depends on us, if we can let it kill the romance. I can see old people, after becoming grand parents, taking a flower back to their wives, its definitely a form of expressing the romance. Even the gratitude that one develops towards one another over years of marriage acts as a catalyst in their romance.
