Archive for Moi

Strong and scary

{ March 22, 2009 @ 9:51 pm } · { Attraction, Feminism, Gender talk, Moi }
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I heard a strong successful and independent lady ask a man, “are you scared of me!”, and instantly the man in me, wanted to yell, no not scared, attraction would be the right word.

I have read a lot from and about women, who fight for females rights, [I do not want to use the cliché feminist here], they always seem to be of the opinion that men fear the growth of woman. Woman going places where they were never before, proving themselves in almost every conceivable field, proving anything men can do, they can do better, these kind of things to be intimidating to men, giving men a sense of loss of monopoly, power, and that is what make men afraid. Fear brings in anger, and anger in turn violence.

If I am honest, I would say ego is a very personal subject, and may not have much to do with gender. Male ego as such goes through a lot of battering over age, be it the local bully in the school, the goon at college, the evil powerful corporate world. Many people don’t realize how slowly their ego is getting battered, and from being a strong rebel, men seem to settle into a more of a social survivor who dream of scraping through the life without having to take too many troubles.

Work pressures are at all time high with the recession affecting each one of us, does feminism help the escapist men?, who really do not mind to take some help from their spouses. If a woman wants to be the hero, fight world hard, make money, feed the family, and be happy at the end of the day that by doing so they have been better then their male counterparts, isn’t it the best thing that a man would ever want?. In a way he has more freedom and independence to pursue what he wants to do, without having to worry about feeding his family, and taking care of his wife.

I think I lost the way with this post, this was supposed to be about men being attracted strong and powerful women, and It kind of went in a different direction.

Attraction to strong women isn’t a new concept. I am sure there have been hundred’s of men who are attracted to women who are strong. Women with minds which can challenge spiritually and can fight for their beliefs and opinions about matters which can be really stimulating to both the partners. When I hear about nagging between couples, I always have a feeling its lack of topics to argue about which results in nagging, If couple spend more time discussing topics which can be really thought provoking, the mind is too busy to even bother about small things. Would you rather discus and argue about say physical intimacy then some wet towel, or a lost sock.

I remember a blogger friend teasing about my liking for women who are more modern in approach, who does not think twice before picking up a drink, or even for that matter choose career equally or more than their family life. I have a feeling that they would be in a position to understand my stand on my career a lot better.

There has been an old saying that two swords cannot fit a sleeve. Would two strong career minded people make a successful couple?, A part of practicality makes me say no, it would be a disaster. But another part of me says, why not. Let us not get into the part, where we discuss kids, I mean with two busy people, no time for kids and other things like that. But as a couple would they be successful, will it result into a lot of clashes, and an eventual disaster. I believe as long as there is a mutual understanding and a respect for equality, within a relationship, the compromises should become mutual.

How to avoid competition in such a situation is a whole new topic, may be I would love to hear from people who are more experienced than I am, to talk about that.

As far as attraction goes, as of now, looks like my taste hasn’t changed much, I still seem to like strong women, capable of discussing any topic with me, and being able to argue till we drop tired.

I am found guilty, are you?

{ July 27, 2008 @ 3:22 pm } · { Gender talk, Moi, Sexuality, Uncategorized }
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It has been a long time, about two months, I am not sure if anyone even reads this blog any more. One thing I know for sure, is that this was not a un-intentional absence, I just had some questions about the contents of this blog. One question I always had in my mind was, how come most of my posts here were hinting towards physical act of love, or physical intimacy, or anything which got to do with sex. It kind of irked me that someday I would have to answer someone if they asked why did I write mainly on that topic here. I wanted to define an alternate scope for the blog, or may be deliberately try to come up with another topic to ponder over. That coupled with other issues I was going through with meant that there was no pure pursuits for my mind for this long.

Last week I was reading “Unaccustomed Earth” a collection of short stories from Jumpa Lahiri. In one of the stories she describes the scene of love making, no guys not for the perverts, its not graphical by any means, and its just a couple of sentences, I finished reading it and immediately looked around to see if someone saw me reading it, was someone reading about my shoulder. It was so impulsive and reflexive. I’am not a 13 year old anymore, I am fast approaching end of third decade in my life, and still a feeling of guilt has never got passed me. This suddenly sparked a thought in me, I wanted to reach out to all unmarried guys and gals out there, or may be even married ones, do we think there is a sense of guilt associated with sex around?.

May be that’s guilt which was preventing me from writing anymore on pure pursuits,
who instills this guilt in us,
Is it really justified?,
or are we acting foolish here?.

Firstly am I the only one who feels this guilt?, hmm I would like to take sides and proclaim that I am not the only one, or may be number of people who have thrown away this guilt out number the others, but then I feel really foolish about this guilt at times, which makes me wonder that its only me who seems to have not grown up. As I began to wonder where the guilt all started, was it parents?, society? Or may be people with whom I grew up. I think its partly all of them. When the other natural things like hunger, thirst and other bodily activities are thought carefully, somewhere the taboo-ness associated with sex makes it kind of peek-a-boo emotion, like that universal truth which one should never get it open, people condemning any faint hint around the subject. Its like that torn pages from the life history which makes people more curious and gives them a feeling that it’s a thing to be hidden kind of feeling.

I think its one of the subjects which brings out the worst kind of double standards in me, what makes it worst is that the double standards on this topic are such a big part of our life, that it doesn’t even bother us that we are taking such a stand. Not all of us are innocent you see, In the curious teens most of us have sneaked in porn, or browsed the net for those forbidden pics, or dreamed of entering the high profile strip joints which are banned here in India, so when there is no guilt in doing or wanting to do that stuff, how come a private reading of an interesting book, with a small mention of the act makes one feel guilty.

Shouldn’t I be feeling worse for showing the double standards?, shouldn’t I accept that its just a part of me just like any body else?. I would have loved to fake a guilt, at least you know for yourself that its just for the society. But no, its not just for the society, it’s a genuinely felt guilt, this kind of worried me.

I then thought about the gender angle to the subject, because for ages its been depicted that men are these sexual vultures, where as the women as the most asexual species on this earth, does the number of people with this guilt depend on the gender too?, I mean do women feel more guilt about this?.

How does marriage have an affect on this?. For years marriage has been the legal license for bodily love, so does it mean its supposed to wipe off the guilt?Some thoughts to ponder over

Guys and gals, married people, women out there, any thoughts?

Zemanta Pixie

Feminism and beyond

{ March 16, 2008 @ 7:53 am } · { Moi, opinion }
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I have wanted to write about this topic for quite some time, no topic has taken this long to find its way into one of my blogs as much as this one. As woman’s day happened just about a week back, many of the blogs I frequent had a post about the woman’s day and feminism in general. I did leave a comment in most of them saying my thoughts are on the way and will post soon on the topic.

Some days back when I was reading an article somewhere on the internet, the author [male] had an interesting view, he said that people today do not know the difference between femininity and feminism. Actually he was right, I really did not know the difference, may be I knew the literal meaning but never thought about the implications of the two words.

Let’s start with femininity; femininity is things/thoughts/emotions feminine in nature. Now this is a tricky definition, who categorizes them as feminine?. There are few things biologically feminine in nature, I don’t need to say what I am talking about in this regard, and we all know there are things which only a female can do. Is nature being a sexist here? Personally I feel nature wanted none of the species or living thing to feel ‘all capable’ or rather to be too independent, may be nature intended us to co-exist. Anyways it’s a totally different topic altogether. Coming back to the topic of femininity, apart from the obvious biological differences, there are certain thoughts/emotions/interests which are said to be feminine in nature.

So here comes the question, should one feel ashamed to be associated with such femininity?. Should one claim inequality for being associated with thoughts known to be feminine in nature?. Traditionally emotional sensitivity, patience, shyness etc have been associated with women, the most evident proof for this is the names we have in India almost all the qualities I mentioned above has manifested into a female name in India. Now should one protest for being tagged to femininity?.

Lets talk about the opposite, things which do not come under feminine, should women really worry about those things, why are those things/thoughts/interests are not considered as feminine in nature? Should one really fight for it?.

Feminism, as per definition is philosophy of believing in equal rights for woman, and making no gender bias.

Coming back to difference, In my opinion Ability to give birth to a child is femininity, it’s a unique distinction that women should be proud about, however providing a choice of if they want to, and when and how they want to have children is feminism,

When woman choose family over carrier, if it’s a unforced decision, then it counts as femininity to me, because men are never supposed to think about family first. However having the sole power of decision to choose between family/carrier or both is feminism.

Ideasmithy brought up a good question, are all woman feminists, unfortunately I would have to say no, no I don’t think all females are feminists, nor do I think all feminists are females.

Let me tell you where some woman are not feminists, to me when someone demands extra privileges because of their gender the feminism is gone, buses have reserved seats for women, special reservations in governmental positions etc. I know its really good to provide more opportunities to women, and its been a long monopoly of men in these areas, and we want to encourage women to come forward and take these places. But I find this totally anti-feminist in nature. Why do we think that women need extra boost?, do we think women can’t find their own seats, if men misbehave in the bus she is not powerful enough to defend herself?, in governmental organization is she not capable enough to find her way in?, are we not in a way doubting her credentials?.

Another question which came up was can men be feminists?, I had to really think on this terms, somewhere I did not want to say yes and be counted as a hypocrite. Just the other day when the topic of smoking woman came up, the fact that I was a little surprised tells me that I am still a sexist in ways. If I were to be surprised at smoking I would be happier, but then it was not at smoking I was surprised it was the woman smoker who surprised me. So we men, can we ever stop distinguishing between men and women, I would say yes but still many years down the line. The traces are still present in all of us. We still think there is a difference when it comes to responsibilities and interests between men and women.

Another discussion which interested me recently is what’s wrong in huddling up. So what if women group up?. Now I partially agree with this one, its true there is nothing wrong with huddling up, any day its good to work as a team towards any goal, and its easier in a team than individual. But why would you want to huddle up in a single sex group, why not form a team of people with similar goal, rather than just chose people because they are woman.

History has been a great evidence as to how gender bias has existed for long time, and how women were considered to be the weaker sex and have been the target for long time, Finally some of us men have woken up a little, and many women have come out being more confident and powerful. A man who claims to be more powerful, intelligent or more suitable for a job because of his gender, will surely be laughed at and criticized not just by women but also fellow men, so isn’t this what so called feminists set out to do?.

From here where do we go?. One thing I would hate to see, is people making feminism as nothing but male bashing, When many woman have proved how intelligent they are, by resorting to male bashing I think somewhere we are taking a step back, because ignorant men were thought gender has nothing to do with capabilities, now the same woman seems to claim a man is bad because all men are bad, or a man is incapable because he is a man. I think somewhere the main purpose of equality in feminism is getting lost somewhere. One of the main reasons as to why, I always say rant against a person not against “men”.

One of the debates that interested me in recent times is “has a man become unnecessary in a woman’s life?”. In today’s world where woman has become financially independent, socially powerful, emotionally and physically strong, does woman need a man?. Woman has never needed a man, and man has never needed a woman, I think it’s a wrong notion. We have always needed a partner, somebody who will complete each other. Some have gone and found partners within the same sex who seem to provide what we look out in a partner, and some find that in the opposite sex. Just because we are equal gender wise, does not make us equal as a person does it?, I mean all of us will continue to have things which we lack, and try to find that support and encouragement in a person who in-turn will continue to find the same in us.

This is not a topic, where one can find comprehensive answers within a single post, these are the topics which one needs to debate and discuss over a long time, and learn along the journey.

 P.S I wanted to link couple of posts from Twisted tales on life where we discussed on couple of things here, stupid me not seem to find the posts.. :( .

 Next one coming up.. is sexual orientation only reason to term a relationship lesbain/gay .. Guys any of you interested in the topic.. please do put up your opinions..

Care to know me a little more…

{ September 22, 2007 @ 7:11 pm } · { Moi }
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My blogger friend paisley who writes had put up this post some days back about her interview,
as per the meme she asked people if they were interested she would interview them with a set of 5 questions. Just knowing how good she writes, I was sure she would come up with awesome questions, so just left a comment saying I would be interested.

so here it goes instructions what to do next
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the
questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the
questions. And a link to my profile or blog as your interviewer.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone
else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five
questions.

So anybody interested guys?
please leave me a comment .

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Paisley sent me a set of questions couple of days back, I couldn’t answer them right away, they needed a little bit of thinking before I answer them. So here it goes her set of questions and my attempts at answering them

1. due to the fact that we exist on two different continents,, and our cultural differences are vast,, i feel compelled to first ask you a question or two about your culture… i was first really “introduced” to you, when you asked me if i would submit a guest post to your series on body and soul….it was there i first became impressed with the extreme differences in the societal norms in India and here in the states… if you had your choice,, abounding freedom,, or cultural constraints,, which would you choose??? and why?? and no,, your parents aren’t going to read this so please be frank……

This question kind of puts the whole “body or soul” series on a point blank question, so what do I choose. I have thought long and hard on this, its been a lot of confusion and I think I would have to go with the soul. Knowing Indian culture and my conservative upbringing, this may look an easy and obvious choice, but, to be honest it was not, my view on this had drifted far away from the soul, and very much towards the body. I guess the hormones, the temptation and the natural attraction was something which I was accepting with both arms.

The series that I hosted changed my views drastically, seeing many people opting for body and many others for soul, the kind of reasons that came out, especially the kind of myths it broke about women and sensuality and their mindset made me realize there is nothing wrong about accepting the body and its needs, that made me think beyond just the body and when would my body get the maximum pleasure, and I had to deduce it has to be soul, without which body alone can never attain the level of pleasure. So I am sure it would have to be soul for me, body would just blend in.

so to answer this question in short, I chose soul, because I think without that I would never be able to satisfy the body fully.
[Again having no experience with body nor soul, the decision is purely based on things that went inside my head, it may become stronger or change later as I experience new stuff.]

2. you mentioned to me on more than one occasion,, that sex is, in your opinion, reserved for married people,, and you maintain that belief in your own life… tell me,, as a young man in your prime,, what keeps you celibate,,, really,, i mean what force from inside yourself dictates your celibacy until you are forever betrothed????

Actually I may have not put it across properly before, but its not marriage but the total commitment which is must for a bodily relationship, and In most cultures marriage is that commitment so I guess sex should be something which needs to be limited to marriage.

Seeing the rate at which the marriages are being broken, I don’t think this alone will really serve the purpose, it has to be a mixture of a good marriage, total commitment, understanding, sacrifices which is a must before you enter into something involving so much of emotional intimacy as sex. I am not leaving the physical pleasure out of it, but thats something which you may enjoy for minutes, to make it last for a long long time, you got to be enjoying every moment of the togetherness, not just those eleven minutes.

In short, what keeps me celibate, I guess my extreme confidence in my belief that you can really achieve satisfaction mentally and physically, its just that extra wait, which is totally worth.

May be lack of choice is the reason for celibacy in India in most cases, but in most cases now-a-days its definitely by choice.

3. i would assume,, although you have never stated this,, that as a young celibate male,, you are in the market for a wife,, if for no other reason that to get to have sex sometime in the near future,, tell me… what qualities do you feel you are looking for in a wife??? and are these qualities things you genuinely feel are of high importance or are they culturally stipulated???

Actually you are not right on this one, I am not in market for a wife, at least not yet. I would some day may be for for a lot of other reasons than sex.
What would I look for in a wife, as my friend calls it, my view of a my perfect women.
I think I summed that up in my post sometime back titled “she“

One thing which I wont expect out of the relationship though would be perfection, I like the relationship to be very natural, and something which will grow along the way, one of my another stupid theories that any relationship needs space to grow, not good if it starts at a very high point, it always has only one direction to go thats downwards.

I don’t think they are culturally stipulated, in fact so many ideas of mine wrt a relationship is totally against norm. probably you may have not noticed because they are not that big of a deal in the states.

4. where do you see yourself in 20 years?? do you have a built in set of goals and guidelines that you follow in your life… and if so ,, what are they???

This is a really interesting question, 20 years is too big a long time, I have this problem with expectations, that may be too much evident in the personal posts I write, so actually working hard to get rid of it. So I would like to keep this simple and not expect many things.
May be a decent family, with whom I can share and pass down the immensely treasured values which I got from my parents and society,
A decent job, which pays for a good life of us.
Developing at least one very good and passionate hobby that lasts the life time.
Keeping in touch with some extremely important people in life, and may be the same level of closeness and support to each other.
Guidelines, may be form them as I go along, and hopefully not hurt people around.

5. when you first became active in the cyber world,, i would imagine a whole new world opened up to you,, as you were exposed to many people,, much like myself,, that have openly engaged in and feel free sharing things that are far deviant from the ideals with which you have been raised… do you think it heightened your curiosities??? or were your beliefs strengthened when you looked on candidly at our more open attitudes toward, love, sex, drugs, passion etc?????

They didn’t heighten my curiosities, instead they broke my myths, and gave me a lot of knowledge and new perspective, increased my tolerance levels. And I loved all of it.
I have always loved discussions and arguments, and my belief that there is no right or wrong, and everything is right in its own view, makes it easier to accept new things.
To tell you the truth I haven’t come across any of those topics wide in the open, may be a blog here or there, may be someone could help me with the links here.
Some how I have been more curious about people than anything else.

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