This week has been a turmoil of insecurities in my head, this post is just a set of thoughts that emerged after I tried to reason out my insecurities and how I should deal with it.
One thing about relationships, you don’t get to experience, being an outsider, is the insecurities involved. I am not sure if it is something which is felt to some extent by everyone, or its just a few who get a doze of them as they get a feel of what a real relationship could be like. Forget about the real relationship, even a budding one can throw in a bunch of insecurities.
If someone were to think straight and objective, and put a third person in place of themselves, and have a logical view at these insecurities, I guess they would be laughing how stupid one can be. I guess I have always been that third person, who looks at people’s insecurities and think, why are they so much worried about such small thinks. I am beginning to see why they do.
Being insecure and needy, has always been frowned upon in a relationship, just the other day I was watching an episode of That 70’s show, where the Fez is taught not to be needy with his girlfriend, and that sparked a thought immediately about all my relationships and how needy I have been in them. Its not just the wife or the girlfriend I am talking about, may be its a friendship, may be its with your parents, with your cousins, with your colleagues, any relationship for that matter. I have always been needy, and more the expectations, more the disappointment. Going with the 70’s analogy, I have never been the cool Steven Hyde in any of my relations, I don’t think I would ever be.
Coming back to insecurities, is it the lack of confidence, which shows up as insecurities?. I guess it does look like the most obvious explanation. When there is a lack of self confidence, or the confidence on the other person involved in the relationship, obviously it would end up in insecurities. But its not as simple as that, confidence is not something which can build up over night, that would be blind trust which can turn out to be a hoax at many times. So as we build confidence and trust over time, there are bound to be insecurities, I guess it depends how we begin to cope with it and in turn build the confidence. Guys, it would be wonderful to learn some tips on this regard, how did you build the confidence in the self and the trust in your partner.
Does the importance you attach to the person or the relationship add to the level of insecurities?, do you tend to feel insecure with people or relations you care the most?. I think this too is a very obvious thought, I think most of us feel most insecure with people who matter the most. There is no way we can change how much people matter to us, so how do we deal with heightened insecurities in such cases?. I guess talking openly about them helps, where we tend to share our insecurities with that person, I am sure if the person cares about you, he or she will try to discuss out your fears and try to reason you out, giving you some sense of security. This is extremely tricky because, it constantly puts the worry that the other person might mistake you to be this insecure snob and spoil your image. I guess this is a risk worth taking, or rather its something I would take.
I guess biggest source of insecurity is another insecurity, thats the fear of losing what we have. Fear of losing has morphed into so many worries to the humans, I cant even begin discussing it. How would one really get rid of it?. any ideas?. According to me, there is no way one can rid of it, we all have to deal with this fear in one form or the other through out our life. I personally am negative in approach, I always start with the assumption I am going to lose it. My idea of it, is that way It wouldn’t disappoint much when I actually lose it. Believe me, it does NOT work, the optimist in me is hidden at every step letting me know its just the wall you are building, surely you are not going to lose it. Have you ever felt both the side of the voices in your own head, you are trying to tell yourself you are going to fail, at the same time you know that you want to win, this is just a fake shield you have put against yourself.
I guess I more or less sure I am not the first person to feel this, and wont be the last either, I think the other person involved also has some of sort of his or her own insecurities, but then thats the problem with real life dilemmmas, when its you who is struck in that, you can really be all logical and all objective.
