One of these days Times of India had a movie review which roughly talked about how marriage acts as an end to the romance, or something like that. Me being never married, and to be honest never being in love, kind of disturbed me a little. There is nothing wrong in hoping for a little bit of romance at least post marriage, isn’t it?. Anyways jokes aside, this is one of those bits of news which you just read and then sometime later when you are at peace kind of haunts you, one which makes you dig deep into your thoughts searching for your own opinion on that matter. So here I am thinking about the subject, trying to see what I have to say about this.
Its kind of stupid to prognosticate something which you have clearly not experienced, but then many parts of our life is based on perception, so thought why not try digging thoughts a little.
I feel romance has a lot to do with attraction, buy attraction I do not just mean physical attraction. It could be anything, mind, body, aroma, smile, dress sense, any thing you could think about a person, you could be attracted because of that characteristic. Anyways so once you are married, does this attraction dwindle?. To be honest I do not rule out, any attraction, however strong it is might dampen a little over time, if not marriage. One possibility I think of, is that the thing we are attracted to might get substituted over years of marriage. Say I was attracted to the dressing sense of a woman, may be after marriage, I might get attracted to the way she is so organized about things, or may be the way she handles life, or her way with children for that matter, I think attraction can be really volatile, and easily extend to many things. I would really love to hear from couples who are married for long now, if they are still attracted to each other.
I think another big factor in romance is curiosity, you know you take a young teenager with a lot of sexual curiosity to a nudie bar, he might be many more times impressed than a middle aged guy who has seen the thing many a times. Does this hold good to romance as well?. May be we do begin with a lot of curiosity about love and relationship, and once you marry after an year or two, you would have seen and lived the romance part of it. So does that mean the romance gets old?. It does look possible a great deal. But one good thing to look forward would be the way the romance comes out in situations, life is so unpredictable, that it has surprised up its sleeve every corner of it, so may be there is a tinge of curiousness as to how our romance builds up in these unforeseen circumstances, as we cope together as a couple.
A big factor which can be a big turn off with respect to romance, is family life and responsibilities. I mean we all know the ups and downs of life, the money to be made, bread to be earned, the shelter, the future, retirement plans, kids education, so many things to worry about. So does the worries [responsibilities 
] which comes in along with the marriage, do they affect the romance?. I think they would, I am sure they would. Its not just romance they affect they basically almost every single thing of our life. But the thing is that, they may not kill the romance. Or may be it depends on us, if we can let it kill the romance. I can see old people, after becoming grand parents, taking a flower back to their wives, its definitely a form of expressing the romance. Even the gratitude that one develops towards one another over years of marriage acts as a catalyst in their romance.
so what do you think?…does marriage kill the romance?
Marriage kills romance? at Blogbharti Said:
on December 9, 2008 at 4:25 pm
[...] Rambler shares his thoughts. Linked by kuffir. Join Blogbharti facebook group. [...]
bundleocontradictions Said:
on December 9, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I don’t think marriage kills romance, I think time does the job. I’ve been married for nearly 13 years & was promised that I’d be told every day that I was beautiful. Haven’t heard it in…sheesh, don’t know how long. No more flowers, no more sappy looks… “Relations” have become perfunctory, little sensuality. We love each other, no doubt, but the excitement, yes the attraction, has gone. We’ve gotten used to one another & it takes something extreme to make one of us notice the other anymore. He’s not the only guilty one. I don’t dote on him the way I used to. We’re just living life now, we’re done falling in love. We’re already there.
chandni Said:
on December 10, 2008 at 4:48 am
Amazing post rambler!!!
Well, I’ve been married for a year now and we’ve been together for 8 years…
I think like we take our parents for granted…..we start taking our spouse for granted as well….once they become family….people stop doing anything out of the ordinary…and that’s one of the biggest mistakes people can make.
The thing to understand about how marriage works…is to make effort and know that love doesn’t keep itself alive…ditto for attraction.
Its imporant to work on keeping it alive…as one can get lost in the day to day life when stress and responsibilities take over!
For us….still going strong
Some might say that “oh you’ve been only married a year..lets see how it goes…”
My point being..if we’ve kept it alive for 8…no reasson we shouldn’t be able to manage the next 8 or 80!
s w a t Said:
on December 10, 2008 at 8:12 am
“Marriage is the kiss of the death”
Absolute Vanilla Said:
on December 10, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Only if you let it.
Genuine Gem Said:
on December 10, 2008 at 6:49 pm
So why haven’t you married yet? I know, I sound like a mom…lol…you are romantic!
DeamCatcher Said:
on December 11, 2008 at 9:31 am
familiarity often kills romance. And the most ‘familiar’ tie is usually marriage. But I have known people who keep the attraction and the curiosity alive. Just that there is no Romance 101 in marriage!
Winnie the poohi Said:
on December 11, 2008 at 11:33 am
Umm I dont think marriage kills romance. Its the familiarity.. we take people.. relations for granted until we feel the void.. and when we do feel it.. thats when the relationship is the weakest.. sadly thats when we start the blame game.. either we blame the other person.. making it too offensive.. or we blame ourselves and look ways to avoid the relation..
Best way to go would be forget the past and move on..
Umm romance can be introduced and should be infact time and again
It doesnt need diamonds and al.. or anything beautiful.. a simple note saying I love you.. that surprises them.. would be enough
And it doesn’t have to be in relations.. even in friendship too…
My best friend has this habit of making notes out of anything.. if she has a spare shoe box she makes cardboard cut outs and writes something and gives it to us as book marks
everytime I use it.. it reminds me of her.. and brings a smile to my face
I have rambled erm.. sowwie
gooddaysunshine Said:
on December 11, 2008 at 12:04 pm
You know what Chandni spoke my mind! For us its been a year of marriage and 4 years of being together..its entirely how you nurture the relationship. I really dont know how kids will change the equation..but I am having fun in this marriage so far! So much better now that there is more time to spend together, do the little things that daily life has to offer together, cooking, just sitting around doing nothing!
veens Said:
on December 14, 2008 at 6:40 pm
My lif is sweet romantic and in approx 15 days i m getting married
u dnt need to tell me this 
it is discouraging 
the last point is true.. the responsibilities and all.. well it kills it
but then romance and being romantic are matters of the heart … they can always be revivied and relived.. i think so and hope so 
Insider’s view - A romance killed. « Pure Pursuits Said:
on December 20, 2008 at 1:25 pm
[...] here she goes, on my request providing us her thoughts on the subject I posted few days back, an insider’s view on marriage and [...]