I must admit, I have been very lazy these days, even on days where there is much going on my mind, thoughts flowing forcing me to scribble them on the notepad, I seem to ponder over them in mind, rather than over here on the blog.
The other day I was reading a book and an incident in the book set me adrift in this direction. Sexuality, one of the least discussed and the taboo subjects, one which is not meant to be discussed about, how does it change with the age?, does sexuality age differently in men and women?, at what age do we say that’s it, we are no longer interested, or is it really age which makes us loose interest.?. These questions plagued my mind for days together, as I began searching for answers, with least background, and even lesser experience.
In a way I was hesitant because I am not qualified experience wise to write about this, being in mid twenties I have hardly seen the world w.r.t to this subject to make any kind of observation or theorize, however this stubborn opinionated mind of mine is singing a different tune.
Lets begin with men. I have read many places, and spoken to many people who believe that men of all ages, at all times, think of only one thing, that’s sex. The day in the early teens when he begins his journey from boyhood to manhood, till the day he leaves this earth, he would never say enough, is what many people believe. Is it really true?, is it true that age has no effect on a man’s sexuality?. I think age surely does have an impact, in some cases age counts as the time spent on earth and in many other cases age can be considered as the maturity one tends to develop with time, the realization of the deeper meanings in life. I am not saying with maturity people become asexual, what I am thinking is people attach different meaning to the act.
Women on the other hand are said to start a little slow, you know idea of romance sets in first and then its followed by sexuality. In a more well defined journey, women are said to evolve sexually over the years from uninterested, to slightly interested, peak during mid thirties and then finally slowly begin to loose interest. I have never spoken to a woman regarding this, nor have I read many books on this, may be fellow bloggers can contribute their perspective here. From what I have perceived, I was surprised to get a feel a woman’s sexuality a couple of times, even though its very subtle, very figurative, but at the bottom of it, not much different from that of a male point of view.
Again whatever I said till now does not disprove the belief that men of all age think of only one thing. Lets consider a small journey of a boy. When kids grow up, until a certain age they do not see the difference in gender, live alone the idea of sexuality, as they grow up the idea of gender and its differences are instilled by we adults in them. Making groups of kids in school based on gender, forcing distinctive dressing sense on to the kids etc, slowly the distinction becomes apparent in the eyes of the kids. Preteens is an almost age of innocence, when the guys show keen interest in opposite sex, I think here all they want in many cases is just a friendship, and to be respected amongst the peers. Even at this stage the curiosity is not yet set in. Only in the mid teens/to late teens when the sexuality and curiosity plays havoc in a boys life, he is discovering many new things in himself, new feelings, new ideas and even new functions of his own body parts. Now Isn’t this a natural age to grow curios, also in a way age where one tends glorify sexuality in one’s own eye?.
A preteen or teenage girls are said to fantasize a lot about romance, the idea of an ideal lover, the one who will walk them to the moon, and they are ready to trade anything for it. I feel a lot of preteen/teen sexuality in girls is mainly in search of the romance, and also a thing they believe they have to do achieve what they really want. Its only later, years later they do realize the various subtleties of romance, and possible existence of a something like pure lust in their relation.
I think men in early twenties tend to have this bursts of animal extinct in them, more on the lines of bursts of erotic thoughts and then dwindle away, even fantasies too seem to be more in this age. However I think this age [number] is coming down, more and more teenagers or early twenties people exploring more of their sexualities in India now, and even abroad I think the average age has gone down a lot, and with that, the age to fantasize too.
Nowadays I ponder a lot on this thought, I wonder at some stage one will loose the curiosity in sexuality isn’t it?, at the end of the day its just a body, how much different can it be?. That makes it interesting, is it the age in me speaking when I get such thoughts?. I guess men entering late thirties and early forties take it easy, there is no longer the curiosity nor the peer pressure, and I think it may end up being more pleasurable at that age.
I think woman on the other hand discover lust at a slightly older age compared to men, even though biologically women are considered to peak much earlier than men, I think they become more adventurous when it comes to their sexuality a little later, may be I am totally wrong, but this is what I feel. May be some years down the lane, they really tend to discover themselves and their sexuality. In many cases, long after they become sexuality active. I also feel, they tend to develop a sense of urgency in them, I am not so sure as to what they are afraid of, whats going to end so soon?, why is their a sense of urgency?. Or is it that there isn’t any urgency?.
Moving onto the old age, I have absolutely no clue about this period of one’s life, and this aspect of that age, may be some of my readers can give us more information about the thought process at that age.
Its been a while I wrote something for the body or soul series, and this topic made me think a lot on the subject.
Meanwhile over at pure pursuits « Virtual Ramblings Said:
on May 31, 2008 at 11:59 am
[...] “Tunes of the changing age“ [...]
XYZ Said:
on May 31, 2008 at 4:12 pm
My comment on this taboo subject is also based on very less experience and may be less knowledge. But this is what I feel and know.
But age surely has effect on sex drive. I have heard men should have sex before age of 30s, otherwise they tend to feel some mental tension. May be they feel a sort of complex in them. And with their age, their sexual desire doesn’t decrease, rather they all think at the same level, as they were thinking in their early twenties.
About men sex, that they never say enough is same what I know. I heard the only thing that goes in men’s mind is sex. I think in the newspaper there came some survery saying that almost 99% of men think about sex while driving. Don’t know what 1% think about?
Women — hmmmmm……yep, majority of the women require love (this love is above sexual love) and then as you said, the idea of sex sets in them. But I have heard about many girls, for them ’sex’ is main thing rather than that romance which you are talking about. And about age………..yeah, I remember! One of my friend went to some doctor for general check-up and that doctor after knowing that she is in her early thirtes and still unmarried, commented out, “how can you stay like this without thinking about sex”………Don’t know if for women it also holds true that sex is also important for them in their thirties.
I feel now-a-days women are more open and they know what they want as compared to earlier days. Women sexual desire do decrease with age and with the time when they are reaching menopause. But they require constant touch, a feeling of affection and love through out their age, which can’t be called sex.
When you talked about boy, I remember Fraud, I think I read him in some sociology book, he said that boys are close to the mothers because of this ’sex’ thing only which they don’t understand in their earlier ages. This was one of the most pathetic theory that I had read that time, but his theory says like this.
And about teenage girls, yeah many girls think about some ideal lover, and her Sapno ka Rajkumar……and I don’t feel they hardly think about their first kiss or sex……….don’t know about today’s teenage girls, but this was what in my old times!
For them, sex is just a lust which will go with time and their main concern is to find a true love!
I feel it is because of age that you are getting these thoughts! But this is what nature has created, how the man should be!
I don’t agree with that woman discover lust at older age. I don’t know what made you feel like that. What urgency you are talking abou? Is it to have a sex? Yep, for women, to have a child earlier in life is important. Giving birth in later thirties means the child will have health problem and may be not good for mother also.
About old age – No comments! Let me first reach you that age and if my memory remains sharp tht time also, I will surely come here to comment!
And to finalize now,
Hoe does it change with age -> I feel twenties and early thirties are peak time. Sex that time and giving birth that time is considered most suitable and that’s why nature makes us to think on the lines of ’sex’.
Does sexuality age differ in men and women -> Nope.. not according to me!
At what age do we say that’s it -> For men, no age…..may be sex drive can slow down but not that they will say that they no longer need it. For women, may be after their menopause (My opinion only)
whypaisley Said:
on June 1, 2008 at 1:51 am
i do not feel age is as important as circumstance in a persons sexuality… it would take forever to be able to adequately explain to you why i feel that,, but keep it in the back of your mind,, somewhere down the road you will say.. ok i get it…..
Just Jen Said:
on June 6, 2008 at 11:11 pm
My turn.
It’s my opinion that its up to an individual. I know some sexually charged woman and some sexually charged men and some with no charge at all. Now I have a teenage son and let me tell you, he is sexually charged. He hasn’t done anything about it with the opposite sex….yet….but I fear it’s only a matter of time. He is a good looking kid and has been asked out, followed around, and adored by girls but he keeps saying he is waiting until he is older (maybe I did something right?)
Speaking for Hubby and I (and this stays on this blog, my mother reads mine!)We are in our mid-30’s…okay I admit Hubby is approaching 40 a couple years ahead of me
and from our experience, we are both very sexually active. We always have been and I’m hoping always will. From teen years (before we met) to early 20’s(when we met) until now. I don’t know how we find the time but we do…lol
We have friends of ours that are the same age, got married and had kids about a year apart from us, we are pretty similar in many ways. Neither are very interested sexually in each other.
Strictly tabboo…..only if my mom reads it! 
Maybe Hubby and I put too much on sex but from our experience, it does say a lot about our love for each other (although at first it was just fun…lol) This august will be 16 years together and we are no way slowing down, bored, or anything like that.
I think people in general can be sexual but the smart ones add love to the mix!
I will leave you with what we tease each other with:
I didn’t marry him for his money and he didn’t marry me for my cooking. He ain’t rich and I can’t cook.
chennairamblings Said:
on June 23, 2008 at 6:54 am
I know I am really late commenting here, but I still am going to.
Regarding love vs sexuality, I am not sure there is such a distinction between men and women. I think the distinction sets in because most women want to start a family, they can almost hear their biological clocks ticking and hence, they have a sense of urgency after an age, as you put it.
And yes, women require a lot of touching and show of affection, just that they would prefer at times that the touching be “asexual”, a reminder of love shared between the two, perhaps?
Men do wait for love too, I guess its more of a male thing not to want to state that in so many words, you could confirm this to me better than me trying to guess at it.
Finally, I guess sexuality is just a biological need while love is emotional.
When we tie the biological need to the emotional need, I guess we wait for marriage (or for some sort of commitment).
Just Jen Said:
on July 3, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I got an award for ya and its okay if you don’t want to clutter this one up with awards, just wanted to let you know what I enjoy about this blog-the honest, candid approach