Amateur thoughts
My views on this topic are very amateur, with almost none or very little understanding of the topic, the post is just a creation of my thoughts and what I feel about the subject, lot of views are abstract and am not really sure if my views are correct, finally the post is incomplete I might continue this some day again, all I wanted to say was I do not mean to offend any person homo/hetro sexual, please do let me know your views or please feel free to correct me if my views are totally off reality.
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I once commented about homosexuality on one of the posts by Chennai ramblings over at her post “rant for the day”, it was long ago in February, I never got myself to think more on the matter, until today.
To begin with I was a lot like my grandmother, she just dismissed the possibility of a man marrying another one, in her books its impossible, well I started out very much like her, I could not imagine, how such a relation could exist, to imagine copulation amongst two men was something I couldn’t not even think off, same with women too. I know men are supposedly turned on by two women together, but believe me I could never imagine something physically meaningful between the two women or men. Anyways as my comment on the post, I feel there is a lot more involved in a gay relationship more than just sex.
One question that crossed my mind was “do people get into a same sex relationship as a result of a hetro sex relationship turning sour?, when people have had a bitter experience or a string of bitter experiences with people of opposite sex, do people give up?, or may be with a hope that people of the same sex may understand then much better do they change their orientation?. Do they end up searching for what they could not find in people of the opposite sex in their same sex partner?. It looks logical to me, may be in many cases it is true.
Physical proximity in many a cases could also influence one’s choice I guess, during times when one needs an emotional partner, and I am sure every one needs emotional support at times, and may be at times like such physical proximity to people of the same sex, may lead to mutual admiration and a lot of emotional bonding, which in some cases may end up turning sexual. I do know that there are a large number of platonic same sex relations everywhere, and I am part of some such relations too, and not all of them turn romantic, but may be in some cases people do develop a natural liking just like a hetro sexual platonic relation turns into a romantic one.
One question I would love to survey across the world would be, how many gay relationships have triggered of from a sexual attraction?, I will not be surprised if many of them are not triggered by sexual attraction, all people think about homsexuals are their “sexual orientation”, I believe there is a lot more to it, it’s not just lust, I do agree that just like hetro sexuals there will be cases where people sparked off relationships based on pure sexual attraction to begin with, but I think there is a lot more to it then just the physical act of love.
I once read somewhere that people never turn gay, they are born gay. I am not so sure if this is true. When I was a kid, I hardly knew about whom to get attracted to, nor today, I mean I cannot force myself to like a person, same way is attraction too, but what makes me yearn for a relation with the opposite sex but not same sex?, sometimes it puzzles me, what tells me or what prevents me. So if this can happen at this age, I am sure as a kid not many people can control who they get attracted to?, can a boy or a girl who has no idea what a relation or a physical relation means decide his/her orientation?, I mean can some young kid really get attracted?, let alone same/opposite sex. I somehow can’t get myself to believe that someone is born homo or hetro sexual.
more ramblings to follow… someday 
Couple of unusual evenings « Virtual Ramblings Said:
on May 3, 2008 at 2:47 pm
[...] Meanwhile its been a long time since I posted something over at pure pursuits, so here it goes I call it “Amateur thoughts“ [...]
paisley Said:
on May 3, 2008 at 3:15 pm
the thing inside you that tells you you desire a woman as a sex partner is the exact same thing in gay people that tells them they want a partner of the same sex…
it can be a lifestyle choice,, but then those people would be considered bisexual in most instances,, as they are probably going to eventually tire of that lifestyle and trey yet another…
i believe very few if any real gay people decide to become gay as a result of a “bad experience”.. some may try it,, but if the attraction isn’t there,, it isn’t there and just like you cannot force yourself to be attracted to another person male or female,, neither can a person of one or the other sexual orientation force themselves…
gay people are just like you,, accept every time you think woman,, they think man… i don’t see what is so puzzling about that…
whereas the gay culture may be more sexually explicit than yours,, all cultures vary on sexual issues,, and the ways in which it varies are not anymore shocking than any other culture.. and it is not all encompassing,, there are many gay people who have moral values much more similar to your than mine….
neilina Said:
on May 10, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I remember first time I reas about this ‘gay’ word in some magazine…..and I was continously reading it many times to let me believe that this type of relationship does exist. I believe human always crave for love and affection more than just sex. And I think if one man gets it from the same sex, it is okay. I don’t feel this one to be very objectionable.
But I am not sure where some people are born gay. May be some people are, there is difference in their demeanor.
Bless You. ~Namaste~
Just Jen Said:
on May 10, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I don’t know Rambler, I don’t think people are born gay either. I have gay friends and they all (each and every one) say it was a choice they made and for various reasons. As for your other thoughts, when you figure out those answers, let me know because I’m wondering too….I don’t agree with Paisley’s thoughts (forgive me my dear-you and I rarely do agree but we still enjoy each other’s blogs!) but I understand her thoughts because some friends I know feel exactly the same as she states. I just don’t think someone is born a certain way, I think we choose….I choose hubby but (I’m letting out a grave secret here) I have …ahem…experimented on both sides of the border so to speak….I still think its a choice….ah but what do I know? LOL (rereading this and thinking if I should hit submit but then again, what the heck, we only live once)
Just Jen Said:
on May 15, 2008 at 12:49 am
I got an award for you on my blog!
Rambler Said:
on June 8, 2008 at 6:59 am
Paisley…
I do agree that its a life style choice, but regarding your question whats puzzling about that, Its more of curiosity rather than a puzzle, its natural for man to get curious about things which he is not..isn’t it?
Neilina..
Born gay as in, they have the feelings from the beginning.
JJ
thanks for hitting the submit button
I think so too, I think we choose. reasons for choice might vary.
The Gray Lady Said:
on July 19, 2008 at 9:09 am
People being “born gay” may be a little bit of a misnomer, since as you observed most kids are pretty much asexual until puberty (and some people even remain that way afterwards). What they really mean is that there are certain biological conditions (like the level of exposure to certain hormones in the womb which influence the child’s formation, and relative size of the hypothalamus) that, when a person reaches puberty, tends to activate attraction to the same sex and not the opposite. There is scientific evidence that points to a biological cause for same-sex attraction. It certainly is not well understood at this point, but probably it’s a result of both nature and nurture working together. There certainly is a choice involved of whether or not to act on that attraction, but I don’t think people can choose whether or not they feel it in the first place.
I also think that sexuality is somewhat fluid (though involuntarily so), and that most people experience tendencies to be attracted to one sex or the other, rather than a hard-and-fast one or the other rule. In this case, some people for example may be technically bisexual, but experience attraction to the opposite sex so extremely infrequently that it just makes more sense to identify as gay. In which case, yes, they would be making a choice to do so, but really, definitions of identity like this aren’t always so clear-cut. Where do you draw the line? Would it be better for a lesbian in that situation to tell people she’s bisexual, and just endure the (often obnoxious) attention of so many men who think she might be interested, even though it’s such an extremely low chance that she will be?
But I definitely do agree with you that there is a lot more to it than just sexual attraction. Personally, I believe that all humans actually have two orientations: one sexual, one romantic. They just get lumped together all the time, because for most people, they are both sexually and romantically attracted to people of x gender. Sex is considered so important to romantic love in this society that sexual orientation is what people think about, and romantic orientation just doesn’t even get considered. For me, though, I can easily tell the difference because mine don’t match up; I’m asexual, but bi-romantic. Meaning I am not sexually attracted to anyone, but I could fall in love with someone of either gender. One thing I would be curious to know is how many heterosexual relationships actually start with romantic attraction and not sexual attraction, how many start with both present, and how many start from just sexual attraction and slowly work their way up to romantic attraction.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling from me. I just stumbled across your post and thought you might be interested in hearing some of my thoughts! Have a good day.