Something bad seems to be happening these days, all my thoughts seem to be triggered by something or the other from the newspapers I read. Its been three weeks in a row now, an article in one of the local newspaper making me think on it. Am I in dearth of original thoughts?, or does it mean our newspapers have become more thought provoking?, or I have finally began to get the right message out of them.
As I opened todays newspaper, an article in the His/Her section caught my eye, I generally avoid that section of the newspaper because, most of the times it has some tips for dating which is almost useless to me. Today they had an article about platonic friendship. I really did not know what it meant, so went ahead and read on, the article was about how to make sure your relationship does not end up in a platonic friendship. The article was boring in content, but the idea struck onto me. How do I cope with this problem, if we ever get into one such. Firstly how often does one face this issue?, is it really common?, more importantly can one successfully convert a platonic friendship into a relationship of romantic nature, or the only way is to make sure you never let the relationship get into the platonic mood because there is no way out of it.
Interesting thoughts mainly because, I have written m any a times about cross gender friendship and how it need not mean its romantic in nature, how people misunderstand something very pure, and in a way make it harder for people to have such beautiful friendship. I had also experienced this recently when one of my friendships was in question, and so was one of my good friend’s and she was really upset with this.
I never thought about the other way around. What if both the people do not want it to be platonic but are wondering how to make the next move, who should make it, and how to give hints as to the other person knows there is a romantic interest in the friendship.
The topic is very close to the previous post I wrote about how to define flirting, unfortunately when one of the pair does not get the hints what does the other person do?. There are many of the stupid persons around like me, so unless things are made explicit we may not understand what the others are trying to say. Actually the worst part is, more than reading signs one is more worried about reading the signs wrong. I guess doubts must be there on the both sides, I mean no one would want to ruin an existing friendship by trying to bring in romance.
Actually I am feeling kind of stupid these days writing about these things, mainly because its on the lines of a blind man describing a beautiful scenery, all he says are things which he imagines it to be, so what all I am saying over here are things which I feel “what it must be like”.
Do people really get into this issue often, I always imagined that there must be a lot of clashes when it comes to friendship because more often or not one of them might develop the romantic interest and the other might resist. This might spoil the friendship. But again as I said I just am assuming this might be the case, listening to many of my friends and people I know who have experienced the one way traffic as I mentioned above. What would one do in that case, does he or she try to make the other person see the romance which they are seeing?.
Can one really convert the platonic friendship into a romantic relationship?. I am not sure on this regards, have not met many people who have successfully done this, or may be these aspects never come out for others, mainly because its too personal. Many of the platonic relationships might have moved on to romance, mainly because both of them had the inclination, but can it happen that one said no and other made him/her change his mind?.
One thing which still amazes me is that, people who have moved on from strong platonic friendships for long time, can they really get physical in the relationship?. I somehow cannot picture being physical with many of my female friends, mainly because they have been such good friends, and you know personally what they like and don’t, and what things in a guy they hate, so one refuses to get the thoughts of that nature involving them. I am sure there must be hurdles related to these in such relations.
I really wanted to type a part of the article here, mainly because I found that really funny, and kind of surprised if one can really do it. The article was titled “Platonic relationships preclude more interesting things, we tell you how to avoid the trap“
“An out of town trip where only two of you end up going is a sure sign that nothing is going to happen between the two. A dangerously high comfort level has set in already. This means that you need to break the pattern urgently. Don’t accept the invitation for an out of town picnic unless he has naughty intentions“
On a totally funny side, a Father of a daughter should get to read this. I would love to see his reactions.
Random Randomness #8/08 « Virtual Ramblings Said:
on February 24, 2008 at 7:21 am
[...] Random Pursuits: Last but not the least, this week over at pure pursuits I was talking about platonic friendships, I have spoken about that many a times over here too, this time it was from a different point of view, something that got sparked due to a article in one of the newspaper. Here it is “Platonic, what’s that?” [...]
chennairamblings Said:
on February 24, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Well, my best friends are all male and since they are all platonic relationships, I can understand why you get angry when people see more into it.
As for whether the platonic relation can survive any romantic leads that one of the people involved try to introduce, I think the bigger issue would be if both decided to try it and then realised that it wouldn’t work. Going back to what it was would be difficult.
On the other hand, if one proposed and the other rejected, the friendship might be strained at first, but if they behaved as before, they could still be good friends.
WHen I am reading this again, I somehow think I sound lost, but I hope you do get the point I am trying to make here.
pri Said:
on February 25, 2008 at 12:38 pm
hmm i understand what u r trying to say..but i guess a platonic friendship can only work if both the friends want it to be limited as jus that…
if one has feelings more than friendship and the other jus wants it to be platonice, then no matter what, itll never work…as u said the relationship gets strained or rather scarred for ever…and no amount of behaving as friendly as before can set things right…
thats my opinion ofcourse…others may differ in their views…:)
Just Jen Said:
on February 25, 2008 at 9:21 pm
why does the article see plantonic as a bad thing? That’s my thought. I’m wondering how many relationships don’t work because the friendship isn’t there as a base? I have dated many times, and I have platonic relationships with men. But I must say but with Hubby-he is both. He is my dearest friend, and my lover. He was my friend for 2 years before moving to that next level. It wasn’t like some life altering explosion of passion…it was mutual and just sort of happened. It’s been 15 years and if I may be so bold as to say-it’s life altering now…hehe
but that friendship HAD to be first…the platonic part for the trust to be built….
just a few extra pondering thoughts for ya!
veens Said:
on February 26, 2008 at 1:23 pm
For the whole of first part I was trying to understand WTH platonic friendship mean. but by the end I did find out
I think I agree with Pri, when the urge is one way.
but well if both are ok with it, converting into a romantic relationship or whatever.. I guess..thats ok. Well I guess you have to connect with the person yu love and friendship is all about connection right?
The problem starts when one has no idea of what the other thinks. Hmm! Thats why I let everyone know about my intentions directly.. no other way about it
veens Said:
on February 26, 2008 at 1:25 pm
God! and did i tell u .. u have been tagged by me?
well I am sorry if I forgot to tell you darn!
Do it if you feel it is interests you enough
Which I think it doesn’t 
UL Said:
on February 27, 2008 at 3:11 am
i have to nod my head on what jen said…platonic friendship builds trust and bonds, and with time it can go three ways -
1. both interested in taking it one step further – works beautifully
2. one party interested, the other not – awkward at first, but if the friendship is strong, back to the old level of comfort, else goodbye
3. both not interested – builds a lifetime of friendship
so to me, every relationship begins platonically – eh- if there’s such a word
mary a. kaufman Said:
on April 17, 2008 at 4:59 pm
There are such friendships as strictly platonic friendships, and can be wonderful. Though married, I had such a friend, and it endured from about 1975 or 6 throughout the 1980s when my husband and I moved to Florida. I shall never forget his words, “You are more a sister to me than my own sister”. What I have given for another such friend after my husband died in 93!