This topic has come back to my mind after quite some time, and I have been wondering about this one for last couple of days. What constitutes flirting?.. what really counts as
flirting.
I began to read few things on line, the first place I went to was wikipedia. It says “Flirting is a form of human interaction, usually expressing a sexual or romantic interest in the other person. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.”. You can read rest of it here
First impression I got was that its very subjective, I mean I might have some really wild ideas about romance which the other person may have no clues about, so when she does these things I might feel that she is showing romantical interest in me. Does this mean she is flirting with me?..
Actually the whole topic started when one person asked me why I was trying to flirt with
her, where the truth was that I had not tried to do that, and I was kind of surprised at
what kind of wrong signals I was sending. Also in a totally different instance one of my friends felt that a girl whom we both knew was totally trying to flirt with me. Again there too I failed to recognize this. Mainly because I did not have such an inclination towards her.
Does this mean that, we tend to see things when we feel its there?, I mean we want to see romance thats when we tend to give more importance to what the other person is doing and end up trying to read signals from that, and see he/she ids flirting?.
Is it based on experience?, I mean If I have used a particular way to be noticed by the other person, say try to strike a conversation every now and then, now when I see someone else doing it to me, I feel that she is flirting?. Or may be the media too has a hand in it, I mean when they keep showing in the movies that say smiling at you always is a form of flirting, and both the parties know about it, one who wants to flirt may end up using the smile as a means, and the other person might recognise its flirting when others do it.
There are few obvious things, which I think should not be called flirting, say trying to call one person for no reason, talking for hours together on no subjects, or trying to send text messages often, or even giving uncalled for gifts. I think these are extreme steps, and more of wooing rather than flirting. Flirting I guess is more a subtle way of letting know you have romantic interests.
How bad is flirting?, I mean is it bad when some tries to show a romantic interest in you?, hmm i don’t think its bad, but I also see that it depends on my mood, and the person, I mean if you find a person whom you don’t like trying to flirt with you obviously you might get upset, or angry. I think on the whole innocent flirting might be a very natural thing in humans, in fact I think this must be natural in other forms of life apart from humans as well.
Guys you tell me what you think is flirting, what people do makes you feel they are flirting, how serious offence do you think it is?
Mean while over a pure pursuits « Virtual Ramblings Said:
on February 16, 2008 at 8:15 am
[...] “A confusion called flirting“ [...]
Just Jen Said:
on February 16, 2008 at 8:01 pm
confused is right! I have no idea, flirting has always confused me so I just come right out (you want to go out sometime? just straight forward…those were days
…thank goodness i’m married now and hubby knows when i’m flirting…game over…lol
marja Said:
on February 17, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Wow you got here a lot of writing as well. Your words flow like water.
Flirting eh.. I loved that when I was young although it didn’t happen conciously. It is subtle and it is indeed a form of paying extra attentention.
UL Said:
on February 18, 2008 at 8:13 pm
smiling is a form of flirting? I hope not…i cant help ‘not smile’
, what consitiutes flirting….? I cannot it will be the same for everyone as it’s so broad – for me a playful jab which is acceptable to both parties involved, a twinkle in the eye perhaps a rush in the adrenalin…dont mistake it as ’stalking’ 
veens Said:
on February 22, 2008 at 4:07 pm
tee- hee!!!
but you know what yu sound… you sound verr confused 
and you know what… they still stick around.. with me.. and not shoo me off ..[ they are not interested but then thats a whole different story.. we dnt like to tell 
]
ok if you have not guessed it.. i loved this post.. because it is on one of my favorite topics.. ahh well I dare not right anything on this..lest i sound nonsensical
what i do, [ because i have lotta guys in my lfe.. like you, who dnt see signals apparently because they are NOT interested kinds] let them know that I wanna flirt kinds
YES! I know yu will say “whatta girl yaar” but this is true.. in this very month i told 2 new guys and 1 old friend that I have crush on them
where am i going? what was the topic ? Flirting?
see you care abt people yu like.. and see signals..
other than that.. leave it.. dun care..
it is a good thing.. keeps yu pepped up
veens Said:
on February 22, 2008 at 4:11 pm
damn i erad my comment.. it is idiotic..
pfaff
trenddash Said:
on February 23, 2008 at 9:16 am
as u said….its very subjective…
like sm ppl are so comfy even when the opp. gender touches them etc…Some ppl even see ‘very sweet talks’ as flirting….
thus, what one may perceive of ur action, is his/hr call…
Tertiary Said:
on June 8, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Flirting is a way of communicating attraction. It’s a way of ‘safely’ testing the waters to see if the other person will react or not and if they are interested or not. Most people lack the self confidence to just tell you what they think of you and if there is a romantic interest or not. Flirting allows you to express interest without admitting to it and thus save some face by walking away without feeling rejected if the other person does not share that interest. The confusion comes from trying to interpret what are inherently non-direct signals. Some people are great at interpreting flirting while others of us never seem to get it quite right. Sometimes a smile is just a smile. Sometimes it’s a way of getting noticed. Sometimes stopping to talk to you is just an attempt to be friendly. Sometimes it’s a way to break the ice and start getting to know you in hopes of getting your attention. Flirting is everything. It’s the way she looks at you and then looks away. It can be the way she plays with her hair around you or asks for help even if she doesn’t really need it. Maybe the invite to a social function, even if it is say a company function, is a signal. It could be a sign when she asks if you are seeing anyone. The problem with all of this is that it is very subjective. You have to interpret these signals and this will always lead to confusion as sometimes they do mean romantic interest and other times they do not. Maybe she asked if you are seeing someone because she has a friend that is interested or maybe she was just making idle conversation. How do you know? Ultimately you will never know unless you ask, make a move or she makes one.
As if this weren’t complicated enough you have people who manipulate you and play with your emotions by flirting incessantly to charm you into feeling something for them and then deny that they are interested or doing anything to gain your interest. They are serial flirts. Many are attention whores who are often so insecure they need constant attention to feel like they are attractive and wanted. Others are sadists who like to watch the pain they cause you as they convince you that it’s all in your head and they are not sending signals of interest even though they have been and know it. Others genuinely have no clue they are sending this type of communication and are unaware of the emotional roller coaster ride they are sending you on. Again you never really know. Once you become convinced that someone likes you and is sending all the right signals and you start to like them because of it the last thing you want to hear from them is that for them there is no attraction and they were not trying to flirt with you. It hurts, it’s embarrassing, it’s humiliating and it makes you feel like a loser and question your own attractiveness. You react by demonizing the other person which sometimes is appropriate because some of them are intentionally playing with your emotions and leading you on. They know it and they do it anyway with no regard for your feelings. They like the attention from you and some even like the frustration and pain they know they are causing you. But not all are like this but when you are hurt it can be hard to tell the difference.
In an ideal world you’d never have to figure out how someone feels about you but in reality you have to do this all the time. Most people will simply never tell you that they like you. It’s the hardest thing for someone to do yet it may be the best thing they can do. It lets the person you are interested in know you are interested so there is no confusion and you will most likely get your answer and not have to spend months playing the ‘she loves me, she loves me not’ game. Although nothing is guaranteed I think there are a couple of signs you can look for to help read a person. The things you think are flirting, physical touch or hugging, smiling at you, making eye contact then shyly looking away or not looking away, trying to talk to you or make idle conversation, asking for help, asking personal questions, see if these are things she does with everyone. If they are then whatever it is she is doing that you think is a signal probably isn’t a signal. If she only does this thing around you then maybe it is. Does she send multiple signals? For instance does she do all of the above and more? Usually sending multiple signals can be a sign of interest. Does she get jealous at the mention of another girl or the presence of another girl? If so then she may be interested. Not full proof but it does help. Although I have had girls do all of the above and still deny that they are interested. So it all comes back to simply asking and hoping that she is interested and not so scared that she is not willing to be honest about it. Take her at her word and if she says no then move on. If she really meant yes then that is her loss. You’re better off without someone that sends mixed or confusing signals all the time anyway. People who do this are generally either confused about their feelings or they are playing games and either situation will end with you being hurt so run as far away from someone like this as you can and keep looking. Sooner or later you’ll find the right girl and she’ll make you feel the way you’re supposed to feel minus all the confusion.