Would you call it dedication?
Dedication, thats how I see it, no I am not talking about the dedication towards your studies, nor towards one’s carrier, nor towards one’s girl friend or wife. I am talking about the dedication towards one’s body. I think virginity is dedication to one’s body, and making sure you respect your body more than anything else.
As with all the posts over here in my pure pursuits, this as well is a bundle of contradictions and confusions. To be frank, I honestly do not think of virginity as a virtue in a women, I mean not just woman. I might be not a complete believer of the traditional “hymen” being the proof, however I will be lying if I say, I do not value one waiting for a right single partner, both men and woman.
I do not want to talk about whether hymen must be the point of concern, instead I was thinking about how much should one give importance to monogamy, and making your better half the only sexual partner for life.
I know monogamy itself is debatable, many believe that at any given point of time in life, if you are making sure you are not being with more than one particular partner thats monogamy. Unfortunately I do not believe in that, and still continue to believe that one should give a fair thought before one enters a physical relationship. I know this is heading to the old debate of body or soul.
For many a people who still believe marry only once in life phenomenon, shouldn’t one make efforts to dedicate their body to just one individual?. shouldn’t this be something exclusive and personal between the two?.
Again the thought might be something thats being churned out in the hypocrite traditional part of my mind, while the other side is screaming, asking why?, why should one dedicate?, can one make sure that their mind had never strayed away towards another individual before marriage?, can one result in abstinence in that regards. We can be fairly sure, either of the individuals might have had thoughts of romantic nature before, so why not the same wrt body, for many a people consider mind and soul more important than body, so when you can live with a non virgin mind, why not a non virgin body.
I somehow have the feeling that every relationship begins with a trust and hope that this is going to be “IT”, my relation for the lifetime, he/she is going to be my partner for life, so at that point what do one do?, should he or she abstain from the physical act because he is not sure about the end result, no one can be sure right. If one considers marriage as the point which confirms, ok now nothing else can happen that can drift the couple apart, so thats the right time to move forward. Its still possible that it might end up in a divorce, or god forbids death of one of the partner.
So for what should one wait, steady relationship?, engagement?, marriage?, few years of marriage?.. till when?.
Someone once asked me a great question once.. not sure where, must be in one of the blogs. so just because you want to dedicate, what would you do if your partner turns out to be not a virgin. Really tough question that was. You know that question made me wonder, will I be in a stage where my love for the person would be so much that I will not care about one’s past life, more importantly the past life of one’s body.
I still do not have an answer, sometimes the logical mind of mine says I would ignore, and sometimes the practical mind of mine doubts of a wilder reaction. That takes us to the square one, so should one really value virginity.
As I said before, I feel everyone wants to do this I suppose, or I might be totally naive in believing so, but I was thinking of those extreme cases, where one totally stops caring about their body, and the sanctity of exclusiveness. I feel there can be many influences in this regard.
Lets take the case of external influent like Drugs, Alcohol things which can put people so high that they do not care about who is using there body to do what. Sometimes the addiction becomes so strong that they do not care if they end up sacrifising their own rules and body to get a gram of hash. I think this is shows a little bit of weak mind, if one cannot control their addiction, or begin to loose control of themselves under the substance abuse, I do not think there is a lot of thinking going on in there.
What I am more weary about is when, people reach a mental stage where they do not care about their body, and it becomes a way of getting back at people who have troubled them, or kind of rebelling against the society which makes certain things forbidden. In most of these cases, the other person in such a act, is not even aware of how he/she is being used, or what implications it is going to have on the person’s life.
Coming back to the questions,
Do I value virginity?, I think yes both in men and women,
Why? not so clear,
Virgin till when?, I guess till that one person whom you can’t think of moving onto someone else,
So what If I did a mistake in choosing that person?, mistakes do happen, but should that affect what we value? mistakes are meant to be forgiven/ignored when you value the person much more.
What do you guys think??
Karen Halls Said:
on February 9, 2008 at 7:44 am
I found your site on google blog search and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. Just added your RSS feed to my feed reader. Look forward to reading more from you.
Karen Halls
chennairamblings Said:
on February 9, 2008 at 2:58 pm
The issue of whether virginity is sacrosanct or not has been argued to death, so I am glad you are approaching this from a new angle.
While the ideal would be, I agree, to wait for that one relationship from ehich you cannot imagine moving on, we also have to understand that people make mistakes.
I might have fallen for X pretty hard and he could very well turn out to be a violent possessive brute whom I am better off with. Does it mean that I cannot move on? A lot of women stick to such relationships (I knew one personally) because they think they are doing something wrong if they move away, they prefer the known devil and in a lot of cases, I am sure men find themselves at the wrong end of the stick.
The fact is, that you cannot judge your feelings and others characters easily enough to be sure, in the end, it is about trust. Do you trust in that relationship? Are you ready for the commitment?
Kinda long comment, but these were my two cents.
backpakker Said:
on February 10, 2008 at 5:40 am
I think trust is the most important thing in any relationship ..having said that, I like the way you have put forth your views..heard so many superficial things being said abt it..good to read a post like this
chennairamblings Said:
on February 10, 2008 at 3:30 pm
“Commitment, that again sparks off another thought, should one feel the physical act as commitment?.. I personally think yes, but then it is not straightforward as it seems”
I would have assumed that the physical act would be a result of commitment. Commitment is more of an emotional and mental acceptance of the other person as your partner before going further, or so I would think.
veens Said:
on February 12, 2008 at 2:29 am
You have put a/c some very apt scenarios n this post.. like being a divorcee/ widow/being cheated on etc
Virginity is something in one’s mind rather than in body.. tell me something of a girl who’s got raped? is she not entitled to a life better and shud she jus go do suicide?
what abt thousands of girls who can’t tell anyone who/ why someone raped them. that they were never emotionally involved and God alone knows y this happened to them?
being in a relationship and then being cheated is diffr issue..
but that person never cheated u with her past right. she didnt know u in her past.. and in the past whoever guy it was she might have thought of him as the one. and now she thinks u r the one….
monogamy is by choice… i dnt believe that while u r with me.. u dnt get attracted to other women.. cmeon be realistic here..
but well sex and the debate may go on and on
its yur choice if u accept it..but if u dnt accept it then tell yur mate b4hand nd stop the relationship.. the emotional trauma of being called a “used maal” is really sad!
veens Said:
on February 12, 2008 at 2:31 am
b/w me using u , me and she is jus a way of asserting things
i hope u understand.. i dnt mean to point my fingers at yu..
hey good one.. i dnt think i would have a more profound view on such really debateful topic.
SweetstickyChewy Said:
on February 13, 2008 at 9:58 am
No doubt someone who expect his woman to keep herself would probably feel a little dissapointed if she has a past sexual history. But at the end of the day. I personally feel that she being a non-virgin should not be the main reason to objecting a potential relationship. though i still do think if i get comfortable enough i would probably like to know how far juz for awareness sake.
As for what if a marriage doesn’t last? No one knows what is to come until they meet that moment in their life. What we think now may not be exactly what we would practice when the time comes. When that moment meets us in the eye. We will know our take down the next step forward. It will come.
I personally feel that in a relationship . It is good to have the comfort to talk about things openly and honestly without discrimination or agressiveness. People make mistakes. Exposes, influences may have caused them to falter in certain stuff. as long as the past does not repeat itself. I feel it only human to give them another chance.
Of course if trust can be built up and commitment can be sealed under serious hearts than there might be a potential lasting one.
Its juz never easy living with someone. The bad habits could be a real challenge to receive at times.haha. Its not juz abt unfaithfulness. I have heard people breaking up after a few months of marriage. Cause they could not handle the bad habits that stare at them in the eye.
Lovely post by the way. I love your insights. Deep stuff and interesting.
veens Said:
on February 21, 2008 at 8:13 am
You are right!
I have my own prejudices, which I have hard time fighting.
Well I was actually angry at this one guy.. and I would write abt it
teee-hee.. now i think it boils down to just one point… will you let go off your prejudices for this one person?
thats all that matters
mez Said:
on April 16, 2008 at 8:04 am
Hmmmm i have lotsa views on it but i guess i’ll hold on to it. Nively written though.
neilina Said:
on July 19, 2008 at 8:55 am
Hmm, a very strong topic! Well, for me it is a dedication, dedication to the extent that I myself don’t know.
Your post made me to remember conversation that I had with my friend. According to her, if you can have an affair/love before marriage, there is no harm in having physical relationship. It deepens your love, rather it fulfills the definition of true love. This is the best proof that you can give to the other person whom you love. I asked her what if you get married to other person. how u will feel to face another person? Won’t your heart be filled with guilty? How can you take your marriage relationship further? She told me, what if you come to know that the other person infront of you is also not virgin. I was quiet for sometime and then replied it is more of my body rather than his body.
I feel virginity is not just ‘virginity’, it is giving your whole to someone. And for me I feel astonished everytime when I hear any story on this aspect. I always wonder how much it is easy for some people to give your wholeness to someone when you are not sure whether he/she is the one!
I like the point that you have highlighted, “Its still possible that it might end up in a divorce, or god forbids death of one of the partner……”. I remember one instance where my aunt (in far relative) was searching a match for her brother who was a widower. And they were not able to find a good match - good unmarried girl from good family. After long time, when they couldn’t find any good match, he landed up to marry another widow. Was it like this, there also virginity came into picture? I remember her saying that no one is ready to give umarried girl.
“So for what should one wait, steady relationship?, engagement?, marriage?, few years of marriage?.. till when?.” - I feel it is not about waiting, it has more to do with feeling which the person carries in his/her thought of the moment. The answer depends on every individual, his/her thinking. I have heard many of my friends going into this relationship after engagement, because they are now sure that he is their partner.
About your questions -
Do I value virginity - Yes, I do!
Why? - Because for me virginity is a vast concept, most important thing!
Virgin till when - Depends!
So what if I did a mistake in choosing that person - I will feel bad, hurted. But I can come-up with this, depending on how much I love him. For me, ‘my love for him’ is more important than ‘the mistake he did when I was not in his life”.