As children, as teenagers when we are growing up, one thing you constantly hear from the parents is advice for what to do, or rather warning for what not to do. I remember having a conversation with my dad, when he mentioned to me, that he was only worried about my future, as long as I choose proper carrier, and make sure my studies are good enough to make one he is not much bothered about other aspects. I guess I was very fortunate, not to have too many restrictions, or may be he was fortunate enough to have a son for whom he need not worry about.
Speaking of woos of parents, I guess the biggest worry of many parents as children grow up is about their son/daughter not doing well at school, as teenagers the parents worried about son’s smoking habit, and in case of daughter the “cliched” falling in love with a guy and eloping, which I guess has been so overly depicted in every movie, all soaps and even Ads. I have never understood the concept of eloping, not sure from whom the couple are running, or towards whom. Anyways, the worries about getting their daughter married, and son’s getting job I think was the highest on the list of parents.
As many of you have felt it already, or on the way to realize that, most of my thoughts and beliefs are old fashioned, may be I am a misfit in 21st century or may be I believe in building the world around myself the way I like it, and kind of ignore the rest as if it which do not affect me.
Recently with the festival season around, and people getting into more and more parties, the national dailies are full with ill effects of these parties on the teenagers, and the constant worry of parents. I could not believe this fact that parents are hiring private detectives to spy on their daughters, to see if she is sleeping around with people, during these days where they get to spend a lot of time outside house with friends.
This came as a shock to me, people not trusting their own sons/daughters?, people really worried if they are sleeping around?, common guys what would you do if you really found they were?, are you gonna confront them?, prevent them?, trouble the guy what are you planning to do. Look whats happening, children now are not going to trust their parents for privacy.
This is by far the biggest proof of people’s failure in parenthood, if you cannot instill the sense of good vs bad in your children’s mind, then there you go you failed. Now don’t spoil it more by not trusting your children’s instincts, if anything you need to do, is to discuss with them the real implications of teenage sex, and make sure they are making an informed decision. No private eye is not going to help.
Instead there is all the more chances, that teenagers feel the extra zing to try and do something cool, as most of them believe that forbidden stuff are cool stuff.
Moving on to media, what the hell is wrong with Indian media?, why do they always have to give this partial picture where teenagers are losing way, or rather where they seem to be losing ways, instilling fear in parent’s mind who end up taking these harsh steps. Instead why don’t they launch some real sex education programs educating young girls/boys about it?.
Recently read an article when a 13 year old girl gave birth to a healthy baby in the hospital, she was a rape victim who did not even realize what had happened to her, until their parents discovered the baby bump and took her to the doctor. When a 13 year old potent girl is not aware that she was raped, and that’s a sexual act she is being forced into. dont you think media has a better role to play?. Poor girl is now a mother of a child even before she enters second of her teenage years.
Its my sincere appeal to parents who read my blog, please communicate, there is nothing wrong in talking to teenage kids about sex, at-least it would make sure they are making informed decision. Not by looking at the sleaze available in the net, where sex is over glorified.
Sameera Said:
on October 29, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Absolutely true.Parenthood fails the day they stop trusting their children.It’s faith in each other that keeps this relationship healthy,even in the most stressful of times.If the children are stepping out of line,the parents should know better to shrewdly bring them back on track,rather than admonishing them harshly.
Just doing their duty of “pal,poske,bada karna” is not enough.They need to be their children’s first friend.
suma Said:
on October 30, 2007 at 6:54 am
finally someone who speaks the same language…***if you cannot instill the sense of good vs bad in your children’s mind,*** very true…children are going to test those limits…all we can do is to trust them to make teh right decision.
FullMoonOnEarth Said:
on October 31, 2007 at 9:46 am
Agreed that parents, rather the upbringing is the biggest influence on a child. But do not agree that
“if you cannot instill the sense of good vs bad in your children’s mind, then there you go you failed”
you may have tried your best that the child is well informed. Yet if the child chooses to try the wrong ways of life then there’s not much that a parent can do. Remember, you can take the horse to water, but not make it drink??
marja Said:
on November 10, 2007 at 9:49 am
I really enjoyed reading this and completely agree. If you trust your children they will be proud to take that responsibility. I you don’t trust them they live up to this distrust as well. We all were young and people make mistakes along the way. That’s how you learn. With good prevention and education no bad things have to happen. My country (the netherlands) has one of the lowest teenage pregnancies in the world because of that.. Discussing things with your children always helps. My children are always annoyed with my views, but I notice that they take it serious and think about it. That’s the only thing you can do to make them internally motivated to do or don’t do things otherwise you can’t stop it anyway but I am rambling on. Anyway thanks for your visit
Marja.
I like your confidence, with good prevention and education and trust, no bad things have to happen. totally agreed.
Children are always annoyed with views, I am still annoyed with my parents view, i contradict them all the time, but have learnt a lot as well.
-Rambler
SweetstickyChewy Said:
on November 14, 2007 at 1:48 am
An impressive write up. Its amazing seeing how you look at things at a positive and better point of view than how most people look at things these days. Often we are allured mostly by the bad things, bad reveiws or bad happenings around us. They hysterical thing about the human mind is it somehow finds the bad things more appealing than the good things.Hence indugling in uneccessary anxiety.
Like you said, if only the media will do something building & positive than just having something to talk about. Loved your school of thoughts.
Thanks for visiting my blog. And great look for the blog there.
Cheers!
jonbeme Said:
on November 22, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Communication is one of the most important keys in a relationship whether it be with other adults or kids. Children must believe that they can talk to their parents about anything withought being chastised for punished. I remember being afraid to talk to my dad. We can be “best friends” with our kids but never forget that we are the PARENT and must let them know how to live. My son talks to me all the time. I give him answers according to his age and mentality. Sometimes I let him know he is wrong but he knows I will not scold him for asking or commenting on something, anything.
Old American saying that I remind myself of regularly:
The time to answer the questioin
is when it is asked.
Very simple but true. Don’t put it off or they will ask someone else. Who do you want them to learn from, you or the kid down the street?