Archive for October, 2007

Trust and Parenthood

{ October 28, 2007 @ 8:13 am } · { Trust, children }
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As children, as teenagers when we are growing up, one thing you constantly hear from the parents is advice for what to do, or rather warning for what not to do. I remember having a conversation with my dad, when he mentioned to me, that he was only worried about my future, as long as I choose proper carrier, and make sure my studies are good enough to make one he is not much bothered about other aspects. I guess I was very fortunate, not to have too many restrictions, or may be he was fortunate enough to have a son for whom he need not worry about.

Speaking of woos of parents, I guess the biggest worry of many parents as children grow up is about their son/daughter not doing well at school, as teenagers the parents worried about son’s smoking habit, and in case of daughter the “cliched” falling in love with a guy and eloping, which I guess has been so overly depicted in every movie, all soaps and even Ads. I have never understood the concept of eloping, not sure from whom the couple are running, or towards whom. Anyways, the worries about getting their daughter married, and son’s getting job I think was the highest on the list of parents.

As many of you have felt it already, or on the way to realize that, most of my thoughts and beliefs are old fashioned, may be I am a misfit in 21st century or may be I believe in building the world around myself the way I like it, and kind of ignore the rest as if it which do not affect me.

Recently with the festival season around, and people getting into more and more parties, the national dailies are full with ill effects of these parties on the teenagers, and the constant worry of parents. I could not believe this fact that parents are hiring private detectives to spy on their daughters, to see if she is sleeping around with people, during these days where they get to spend a lot of time outside house with friends.

This came as a shock to me, people not trusting their own sons/daughters?, people really worried if they are sleeping around?, common guys what would you do if you really found they were?, are you gonna confront them?, prevent them?, trouble the guy what are you planning to do. Look whats happening, children now are not going to trust their parents for privacy.

This is by far the biggest proof of people’s failure in parenthood, if you cannot instill the sense of good vs bad in your children’s mind, then there you go you failed. Now don’t spoil it more by not trusting your children’s instincts, if anything you need to do, is to discuss with them the real implications of teenage sex, and make sure they are making an informed decision. No private eye is not going to help.

Instead there is all the more chances, that teenagers feel the extra zing to try and do something cool, as most of them believe that forbidden stuff are cool stuff.

Moving on to media, what the hell is wrong with Indian media?, why do they always have to give this partial picture where teenagers are losing way, or rather where they seem to be losing ways, instilling fear in parent’s mind who end up taking these harsh steps. Instead why don’t they launch some real sex education programs educating young girls/boys about it?.

Recently read an article when a 13 year old girl gave birth to a healthy baby in the hospital, she was a rape victim who did not even realize what had happened to her, until their parents discovered the baby bump and took her to the doctor. When a 13 year old potent girl is not aware that she was raped, and that’s a sexual act she is being forced into. dont you think media has a better role to play?. Poor girl is now a mother of a child even before she enters second of her teenage years.

Its my sincere appeal to parents who read my blog,  please communicate, there is nothing wrong in talking to teenage kids about sex, at-least it would make sure they are making informed decision. Not by looking at the sleaze available in the net, where sex is over glorified.

Trust and Gender.

{ October 20, 2007 @ 3:24 pm } · { Gender talk }
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In today’s world hardly anyone trusts anyone else, but we are not talking about hard cruel world, its that small bit of old glory still left in most of us, we are talking about. We still have the reluctant trust sometime, and in some cases the blind trust which we develop towards people. We are talking about gender and trust.

One of the significant changes which I have been through recently includes the amount of trust I have on people, from a point where I did not trust anyone, to a point where I want to trust all people, it was a great journey. Now I can say, I kind of trust most of the people, and even cases where people have betrayed my trust, I am kind of inclined towards giving them a second chance. Even though it sounds logically stupid, its something which I think will definitely help me in the long run as an individual.

Given a close group of friends whom would I trust, I guess its kind of equal, as I do have very small group of friends, I guess I would trust a male as much as a female friend, actually don’t see much of gender when it comes to friends, unfortunately its extremely difficult to develop pure friendship with the opposite sex, am fortunate enough to have couple of good ones, I still try though. Anyways coming back to trust, I really think gender has nothing to do with trust.

My thought wandered out to strangers, what about strangers, one who have no idea about whom would you trust more?, I guess I would be honest to admit it would be females more than
males, somehow males have been known to be competitive, dangerous, crime-full, and always with hidden agendas, women on the other hand are supposed to be more sober. I know this is a
generalization, and many women to have had decent amount of crime, and are as competitive as
men, not sure its me or all men, somehow women seem to be more trustful, or rather not much
harmful compared to men. If given a life and death situation with a stranger, I am sure I would chose to trust a woman more than a man.

So is it do with opposite sex?, do we trust opposite sex more than the our own?, not sure, lets think about it from a women’s perspective, rather my perception of what woman’s perspective might be, I guess woman too may trust woman more than men, what say you people
out there?

I have a notion that even within close group of friends, women might trust women more. Just a feeling may be someone out there will confirm/contradict my belief.

So look at what this is heading to, looks like all in all, women seem to be more trustworthy than men, just ask a person with a broken heart he will rubbish me in a second, but then you got to leave love out of the equation, I am not talking about love and relationship, I am talking human to human relation, human to human trust.

What say people? whats your take on this?.

Attraction and Age

{ October 13, 2007 @ 11:39 am } · { Attraction }
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Suddenly, when I was sitting with couple of my close friends, one remarked “You always have had a liking for older women, don’t you?“, Even though the circumstances in which this remark came out was very funny, and I kinda knew she was trying to pull my leg, the remark kinda struck me, one of those sentences you here and forget, only to remember it when you are alone and mull over, trying to think about it.

Continuing the earlier topic of attraction, and age being all over mind in couple of weeks or so, it made me think now, does age affect attraction?. Does a feeling of getting attracted to grow with age and diminish along with it?, do old people feel less attracted to others?. How about age within the attraction, I mean whom do you get attracted to, same age, older woman, young nymphs so on.

There is an old belief that when a guy is around 18, even a female donkey looks attractive, in other words it tends to indicate that around 18, a man is at his hormonal peak, and kind of blinded by it, he probably feels attracted to as unattractive thing as a female donkey. Sso does it mean as we grow older does people feel less attracted, hmm not really sure, not aware much about this topic, and being taboo not much discussed either. But from what I have observed I guess people become more sensible as we grow older, and kind of know the difference between plain lust and pure attraction, sounds too idealistic?

I do interact with a some middle aged people, and I kind of felt shocked at their behavior, they do get attracted to people a lot more than what I do, and not only do they have the sense of that this is nothing but a visual attraction, still they kind of give into their attraction, which I guess is very short lived.

Older people, sorry have no clue, wish I could speak to some old person how they felt. Also the same with young woman/middle aged woman/old woman/

I have a feeling that women to have peaks of attraction around 14/15 when they are totally visually driven, with see and get attracted kind of phase, as they get older they tend to get attracted to more maturity in people, and when they get still older come back to the old visual attraction. May be I am shooting an arrow in the dark here.

Coming back to age difference within the relation. Many people advocate relationship with couples have a considerable age difference something like 2-7 years, Probably the Idea here is to make sure there is an emotional and decision making upper hand with one of them. Though traditionally it has been older man, a slightly younger woman, its kind of into acceptance now with younger man and slightly older woman.

I have a feeling that age difference kind of strengthens the attraction, and my feeling is solely based on the fact that age difference brings in levels of maturity in a relationship, and more difference in interests, perspectives, patience levels, and even ideas about love. Thus whatever it is that you get attracted to with your partner, you tend to see the difference in him/her and over the years develop respect, and with respect the attraction will never diminish, if not increase.

I think my slightly drunk friend was speaking absolute truth, I guess I do get attracted to slightly older woman. Its mainly because the respect they command, and the things which attract me which I have said in previous post, their composure, their patience, and I am one of the people who loves to be told whats to be done, and the command is easily visible in older woman.

When people are off the same age, key thing in a relationship would be diversity, as diverse the taste, stronger will stay the attraction, this is just my theory, I have had no experience of any kind of relationship, so whatever I say here might be just a theory or a perception. I have seen lots of these attraction during college, when I have been attracted to a certain person, or its a friend who is attracted, in most of those cases, it would have been really just an hormonal urge at a person, a physical attraction, which I agree that is very common, and natural.

So is the attraction more between the same aged couples as to couples with age difference, I want to say, no they are the same, somehow I have the feeling that latter its more in the latter case.

Any insights people?